Is she allowed to be this beautiful?

My little girl went to prom Friday night and she was so beautiful. She had a nice green dress with a black shawl and we even did her hair and makeup for the event - but that's not what made her beautiful. Her spirit, her countenance, the light in her eyes - that's what made her shine. Her date was a very nice young man that she met at school and he was such a gentleman. But for me, all I could see was my baby girl all grown up. I was so proud of her for all the moments that led to this one - the memories along the way. "Kaitlen" comes from "Kathryn" which means pure. I have always appreciated the inspiration that I receive when naming my children and on this night, I knew she was appropriately named. There was something a little special about taking this picture - I took it with the camera that my mom bought this past summer, the camera that I got when going through mom's stuff. I was sad that mom would never see these pictures, but then I knew that she was looking down and taking in the whole scene. Three generations, one separated by death, stood together this day and I knew my mom was just as proud as I was.

And so my life changes

It's funny - I set up this blog thinking that I would have these great things I could show my mom (and convince her to get internet at home!) and then I get a call that she has died. Quickly getting out to Kentucky and taking care of her arrangements and her stuff all in a week was certainly jolting. I know the "plan" of how we lived before this life and we agreed to come down for this mortal probation and then we would die, only to continue living with our Father in Heaven. I know the "plan". But I am still in shock that I have to live the plan. I've experienced a lot of death - both my grandmother's, my grandfather, Jamie's mom - but my life completely changed when mom died. My mom is gone. And my life is different. I never really understood just how much a little girl needs her mother, and although I am grown, married, and the mother of seven children now, I feel like such a little girl. There are moments when it just hits me that she's gone and I feel very alone in that moment. It is helping me though, to appreciate the time I have with my own kids - not to take a moment for granted, to know that they, too, need their mother. I know that my mother loved me and I pray that she knew that I loved her - those were my last words to her - "love you mom". I am a different person now, but I am still my mother's daughter.

Stephanie Blogging...REALLY??

I've embarked on a lot of new things lately - going back to school, scrapbooking, living in Utah... it just seemed that a blog was the next thing. I'm not sure how well I'll do this or even why I'm doing this. But I think it will be fun. I love reading other people's blogs because it makes me feel connected with them even when we're apart. Maybe this will help others stay connected with us. Our family's a little odd sometimes... and that's ok. It will be fun to see how we change and grow during this time.